I met a guy a few days ago at my new work. Enough of a cutie, single, and wonderful physique. Who wants the drama of becoming engaged with someone from work? So I wasn’t really interested. I just assumed that we would get along well at work.
But then he began to speak. And I discovered he is also intelligent.
My chest erupted with excitement, which then erupted throughout the rest of my body. Drama at work suddenly didn’t seem like such a huge issue. I yearned for his touch, for those giddy late-night pillow chats, and for the sensation of his hands caressing me.
So I did what I always do in these circumstances: I waited.
I knew that eventually his own curiosity would come to the surface, making him feel uncomfortable enough to take action.
He started telling me about a neighbouring coffee shop earlier today. I waited after telling him it sounded good.
He informed me that on Sundays, live music was performed there. I waited after declaring my enthusiasm for live music.
I waited, but the clear invitation never materialised.
I anticipated this day.
I’ll turn 30 in a few months, you guys. Although he is older than me, it has never really mattered. He (whoever he may be) usually senses my attraction as well, so when I accept his invitation to go somewhere, things usually move forward from there.
But right now I’m nearly 30.
I’ve also put on 30 pounds (mostly eating habbits).
Not that I was ever really attractive. I don’t resemble any of the women in porn or on television. If I do say so myself, I have a great booty, a short, acceptable face, a little breast, but nothing particularly remarkable about my appearance.
I wouldn’t be attracted in conventionally gorgeous men if I had to pick one trait to blame for my ability to obtain anybody I wanted. Moreover, my vivacious personality. also my friendliness. and my generosity. Goddamnit, I’m fun too!
But these days, guys still want to be my friends (see: bubbly personality, fun), but they’re not clamouring to ask me out.
Since I turned 18, I’ve been prepared for this day, but now that it has here, it’s so strange.
I won’t be sentimental about losing my youth and the ensuing decline in male attraction. In some respects, the situation is more akin to “good riddance” than “so sad to see you go.” I’ve never like receiving unwanted attention, and there are so many things in this world that I adore despite my appearance.
I also won’t get angry with males. They can’t help being drawn to younger people, though. Since I was a total jerk before I became 19, and I believe most women are, the joke is actually on them (at least when it comes to dating). Their weakness, in my opinion, is this fixation with youth. Poor guys.
The fundamental issue is that I no longer know how to act in social situations. I’m unsure of how to proceed because the regulations have changed.
Many of my friendship circles began after a date. It’s the simplest approach to make new friends. I have to admit that dating has always been my gateway to social life.
When I relocated to a new place in my 20s, I would only go on a few dates in order to make new acquaintances. Once, my date’s companions waited for him to go the restroom before saying, “Quick, give us your number! We don’t sure if you’ll keep seeing _, but we still want to get out with you!”
If left to my own ways, I would spend most nights relaxing at home and reading a book. However, I was never really left on my own. Because a guy wanted to spend more time with me, I’ve always gone on dates, been asked to parties, or participated in other activities. Similarly, I was never short of conversation at bars, events, or (oh, how I despised this) even in the grocery store. Always, there was simply some male.
Now, I spend my days mostly alone and am allowed to think for myself. At a gathering, I have been known to go for extended stretches without speaking to anyone. The number of invitations and phone calls has decreased. I still have all my female friends, sure, but a lot of them are married and have children, so it’s kind of up to me in terms of my social life.
I need to have the ability to connect with others now that I’m thirty.
Not to my coworker, though. Let’s not get too wild, I mean. I wouldn’t know how to start things off in the least. He is playing loud music in the hotel room next to mine. For goodness’ sake, the dude is currently blaring “Asal Mein” by Darshan Rawal. Which, let’s be honest, is cute.
Even one year ago, five years ago, I would have assumed that the music was his reticent way of beckoning me to him. But now I realise that probably isn’t the case.
I enjoy my alone time. That’s a reason in part for my continued singledom (the other reason, I’m sure, is a series of burning emotional difficulties, but that’s a subject for another time). But I also understand that spending so much time by myself is probably unhealthy.
So, how do I go about doing this? How can I currently make contact with others? If I don’t learn to reach out, I’ll definitely feel lonely. Simply said, letting people come to me was so much simpler.
Next blog will be out soon.
Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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